Relationships
Summary of Speech by Fr. James Savage
July 2008
Think
about this week and how many hours on average you have spent in front of the
television, with parents, in prayer and in Church. Probably, the most amount of
time would have been spent in front of the television, and little time spent
with parents or in Church.
Unfortunately, this imbalance is what moulds our understanding of the Church and media.
My advice would be to get rid of the television and be wise with music and movies. Why? Because we should not allow secular media to shape us.
In Matthew 10:16 Our Lord Jesus Christ says "Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves." In today's world true believers are surely surrounded by wolves and need to be wise.
The world says, among other things, that there is no divine blueprint of action, intercourse is necessary to development, virginity is bad, men and woman are the same, Christians are against freedom, ethics are relative, there is no divide between human and animal behaviour, abortion is right, contraception is necessary, motherhood is unfortunate, homosexuality is from God, divorce should be legal, painless and monogamy as in one partner for live is weird, religious law should have nothing to do with civil law and all this is scientifically based.
However, the Church is against all of the above.
In Genesis, after God creates the earth He proclaims that it is good. This means that in the beginning we were without flaw, as we should be. He created humans to be both spiritual and material (differing from Angels which are spiritual beings and the world which is made of matter). God created man good.
Throughout history, certain philosophers such as Plato have taught that the flesh is evil. The Orthodox Church teaches rather that the body is good, can be saved, and through the grace of God all things can be made new. We should not wrongly focus on the "original sin", but rather understand that we have inherited the consequences of sin. In Christ, we can put our lives back into order by putting fleshly disorder away. The Orthodox see the body as a gift which must serve the spirit, not to destroy the body but to keep it in discipline. This is true freedom.
How should we influence others without becoming the same as the world? How can we live in the world but maintain an Orthodox life? The answer is to keep a balance of time: to refrain from what badly shapes us and immersing ourselves in what shapes us well. Furthermore, we need to remember not to embark on this feat on our own, but with our family and community. You cannot be saved alone. No one can stop us from family life in Church. Conversely, when you walk away from Church, the damage that can be done may be too much. Therefore, maintain a Christian life. If your friends are truly you friends, they will respect this. If you can life a holy life, but never condemn others for their life, then you are a true witness.
Should the youth in the Church act independently from the parents? Firstly, we must be careful not to segment our lives because our parents are important. On the other hand, in our generation having youth meetings without parents is perhaps the only way. Ideally, we should learn and grow in the home. The home should be where the Church is, where we pray, struggle etc together. The way we live is the greatest witness. If you do everything good but do not love your wife, than this is hell.
Too many Christians want to be like the world, to be loved by the world, but the Christian way is superior. For example, when young blokes look for a spouse they may look for qualities that are praised by the world, but he would be better to pray for a godly spouse. He should ask himself, "Do I want a godly life, wife and family? Someone to pass on the faith?" In the book of Tobit, it is said that "She is one prepared for you from all eternity."
Don't allow the world to trick you into choosing a wife only because she is good looking but someone who is beautiful in virtue, someone who you would want to spend the rest of your life protecting their virtue. Don't marry for passion.
In life prayer, one's spiritual father and the Church are important. Don't go to wrong places to find a person (i.e. night clubs) because real love is not based on passions, but on virtue. Virtues such as purity, truth, gentleness, kindness, fruits of the spirit and faith.
Should we therefore be allowed to wed with non-Christians? If Jesus Christ is our Lord and our first love, but our partner doesn't know Him, than this is a huge part of your life that you cannot share with your partner. Just as the Father, Son and Holy Spirit are inseparable, so should marriage be an image of the Trinity (God, man and woman). Once again virtue is essential, although God himself is the foundation of the marriage.
In the western marriage service it is said that marriage is "till death do us part," but in the Orthodox service the couple accepts crowns in the Kingdom, because marriage itself should be life in the Kingdom.
When dating a good tip would be to never do in private what you wouldn't do in public and visa versa. In Ephesians husbands are told to love their wife, and wives are told to obey their husband just as Christ loves and died for the Church and the Church obeys Christ. Husbands should be ready to die for their wives and should not expect their wives to be obedient as to a tyrant, but as to a man who would give his all for her. When you take a girl out, have your goal that in 10 years you will be able to look her in the eye in complete virtue and without shame.
Couples should follow the time tested tradition of the Church. For example, statistically speaking a couple is more than two times likely to divorce if they live together before marriage. Young men, defend the virtues of woman, not take it way. This involves giving sacrificially to one another.
Christian lives need to be sacrificial for the Church, so that the Church is purified for the wedding feast.
So what should single youth do?
Wait
Trust in the Lord with prayer, talking with your spiritual father and consulting your parents.
Remember that prayer, fasting, education and responsibility are important.
Also, youth should remember that celibacy is still a possible calling and read, visit monasteries, experience monasticism before marriage.